Forget the Birth Plan, Have Birth Preferences Instead - Advice from Chicago Birth Doula and Photographer


When it comes to giving birth, many expectant parents walk into the experience with a detailed birth plan in hand, envisioning the ideal labor and birth. But as any seasoned birth worker will tell you, childbirth is unpredictable, and no two births are the same.

Having a plan set in stone can sometimes leave you feeling disappointed if things don’t go exactly as you envisioned.

Instead of focusing on a rigid birth plan, I encourage my clients to think about their birth preferences.

This subtle shift in language and mindset can make all the difference in how you experience your labor and birth, regardless of how it unfolds.

Why "Preferences" Work Better Than a "Plan"

A birth plan often feels like a strict list of steps that need to be followed. It’s easy to get attached to every detail, from the specific way you imagine labor will unfold to the particular music you want playing in the background. But birth is not always so easily controlled. Labor can take unexpected turns, and that’s okay!

When you use the term birth preferences instead, you're allowing space for flexibility. You're saying, "These are the things that I’d like, but I’m open to change as the situation evolves." This shift in mindset helps you focus on what’s really important—how you want to feel and how you want to be supported—while being realistic about the fact that you can’t predict exactly how birth will unfold.

Think About How You Want to Feel

Instead of getting caught up in specific details like “I want to labor in the tub” or “I will deliver in this position,” ask yourself how you want to feel during labor and birth. Do you want to feel calm? In control? Supported by your birth team?

These feelings should be at the core of your birth preferences. They’ll help you choose the right team—whether it’s your OB, midwife, or doula—and guide you through decisions as your birth progresses. Even if unexpected situations arise (and they often do), maintaining a focus on your feelings can ensure you have a positive, empowering experience.

Know That You Have Options

It’s important to understand that you still have options even when things don’t go according to your initial preferences. If you wanted to avoid an epidural but found yourself needing one, there are still ways to move, change positions, and engage your body during labor.

Even during planned home births, midwives often need to step in to help guide the labor process—just in a more familiar setting.

Your birth doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” experience.

By being open to change, you can make adjustments that are right for you and your baby at any given moment.

The Importance of Flexibility

Even if you’re at home, surrounded by candlelight, and fully supported by your midwife, you might find that the birth you imagined takes on a life of its own. You could have envisioned giving birth in the tub but find that lying on your side is where your body leads you. Or maybe you anticipated a smooth labor, but instead, you experience something more intense or longer than expected.

Flexibility is your superpower.

It allows you to adapt to the moment, whether you're birthing in a hospital, at home, or at a birth center.

When you're open to change, you’re also better equipped to ride the waves of labor.

This mindset will help you feel empowered, even if your birth didn’t go exactly as you envisioned.

Manage Expectations, Increase Satisfaction

When you have realistic expectations for birth, you're setting yourself up for a positive experience.

That doesn’t mean everything has to go perfectly for you to feel satisfied; it means that you feel heard, respected, safe, and supported in the process. Your care team should listen to your concerns and provide options that align with your values and preferences.

At the end of the day, a “good birth” isn’t defined by whether everything goes exactly as planned—it’s defined by how you feel throughout the process and after.


Forget about sticking to a rigid birth plan. Instead, focus on setting birth preferences that allow room for change, growth, and flexibility.

By shifting your mindset to embrace the unknown, you can still have the birth experience you deserve—one that’s filled with respect, care, and empowerment, no matter how it unfolds.


So, take a deep breath and remember: You are strong, capable, and ready to welcome your baby into the world in the way that feels best for you. And that’s all that really matters.

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